


Ending the War

by slytherab



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Bottom Harry Potter, Crack, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley Friendship, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter Friendship, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Humor, M/M, Not So Evil Voldemort (Harry Potter), Top Voldemort (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26754301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherab/pseuds/slytherab
Summary: The new publication of the Daily Prophet is shocking. What do you mean Harry Potter is sleeping with Lord Voldemort?
Relationships: Harry Potter/Voldemort
Comments: 62
Kudos: 430
Collections: Read





	1. Harry

The students were all gathered in the Great Hall, talking and laughing among themselves as they ate breakfast. No one looked twice when several owls appeared to deliver the usual letters. Owls circled the tables, throwing newspapers and eating snacks. Everything was perfectly normal, until at the Gryffindor table, Hermione Granger, who sipped his pumpkin juice quietly, choked the moment he read the headline of the Daily Prophet.

_**HARRY POTTER SLEEPING WITH DARK LORD: Causal or Serious?** _

And to the girl's horror, there was a big photo to prove the news. The first thing she noticed was the place where the photo had been taken, the Hall of Prophecy in the Department of Mysteries. The second she noticed was that Lord Voldemort was pressing someone on the wall. The third thing she noticed was that Lord Voldemort was naked, leaving his incredibly firm and beautiful ass in the middle of the photo. The fourth thing she noticed was the red Gryffindor robes that were torn and dumped on the floor. The fifth thing she noticed was the slim figure that Lord Voldemort pressed against the wall. The naked body. The sixth thing she noticed was a head full of messy dark hair. The seventh thing she noticed was the lightning scar on her forehead.

Lord Voldemort fucked Harry bloody Potter on the wall. A Harry Potter who had his pale legs around the Dark Lord's waist.

The photo moved, and Harry threw his head back, probably moaning, Hermione thanked Merlin for not being able to hear, while Lord Voldemort rested his head on Harry's bare shoulder.

The Great Hall was totally silent, a leaf could fall to the floor that everyone would hear, the students and teachers seemed to have lost the desire to eat, and probably the desire to speak too. Ron, beside Hermione, held the sausage fork still on the way to his mouth.

All of a sudden, the great doors of the Great Hall opened, only to appear a disheveled Harry Potter with suspicious red marks on the neck. Harry's black hair was even more disheveled than normal, the hairs on the back of his neck were raised as if someone had pulled them out repeatedly. His lips were red and bruised and had a satisfied little smile. Oh, shit, Hermione thought, he looks like someone who just had sex.

He walked happily to the Gryffindor table, not even seeming to notice the wide, astonished looks he received from the entire population of Hogwarts. Harry threw himself into the empty seat next to Hermione and began quietly putting food on the plate, while humming a muggle song that Hermione vaguely remembered hearing.

Hermione slowly put her glass of pumpkin juice on the table, and turned to Harry. "Er, Harry?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yes?" Harry spoke as he passed jam on one of his toasts.

"Did you see today's, hm, Daily Prophet?" Hermione had to congratulate herself for keeping the facade stoic, because all she wanted most was to grab Harry and force him to say why the hell there was a picture of him fucking Voldemort at the Ministry.

"Not yet because?" He said, nibbling on the toast with bruised lips.

"You better see." She threw the newspaper at Harry's empty hand.

Hermione and the entire population of Hogwarts watched in silence as Harry read the headline. After a few seconds of total silence, Harry tossed the newspaper on the table and laughed. LAUGHED. Laughter. Loud and fun laughter. In the silence across the room, the laughter echoed even louder.

He turned to smile happily at Hermione. "Wow, that angle really did value Tom's ass!"

Hermione blinked in a daze, she was sure her expression would have been funny if she hadn't been totally shocked. " _Tom?_ Harry, this is Voldemort!"

There were loud gasps under the name You-Know-Who, but neither Hermione nor Harry seemed to have noticed. Harry gave the thick-haired girl a strange look. "I know, Hermione, what do you think I do? I go out having sex without even knowing who?"

"Wha-?" Hermione squeaked, but Harry didn't hear.

"Look, Hermione, an intimate photo of me with my lover was published in a newspaper for everyone to see and you seem to be mad at me!" Harry spoke irritably.

" _Lover?_ Harry, this is VOLDEMORT!" Hermione shouted.

Harry threw the food on the plate, he took a deep breath and licked his lips with his eyes closed. "I don't want to fight you, Hermione, but this is getting ridiculous!"

The tone in Harry's voice made Hermione step back. Harry Potter's humor was famous in the Gryffindor Common Room, and honestly, Hermione didn't want to witness it again. Ron seemed to come out of his stupor, he put his fork on his plate full of food and turned to Harry. "This photo is in the Department of Mysteries." He stated incredulously.

Harry rolled his eyes at his best friend, but said nothing.

"Last year, we went with you to the Ministry." Ron said, he ran a hand through his red hair. "Are you saying that while we were fighting with Death Eaters, you were being fucked by Voldemort?"

Harry grimaced at Ron's rude words, but nodded. "Yes."

Ron passed out. He fell behind the chair, hitting his head hard on the floor, the sound of his skull against the floor echoing throughout the room. Hermione stood up to help him, she knelt beside his friend's limp body and shook his shoulders.

The students stared at the scene without even blinking, as still as if they were standing on _Petrificus Totalus._ At the Slytherin table, the children of the Death Eaters looked at Potter in disbelief. They didn't know how to react, if Potter was screwing their lord, it meant that he had joined the side of darkness, right? Should they celebrate?

At the teachers' desk, Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat. His blue eyes did not have the usual shine, the old director was paler than usual. The headmaster looked at Harry silently before speaking. "Harry, can you explain what is going on?"

Harry was looking worriedly at Ron on the floor, suddenly, he turned to the Gryffindor table, grabbed the glass of pumpkin juice that Hermione was drinking and threw it at Ron. Consequently, the net also hit Hermione. The girl turned to Harry in shock, her thick hair soaked with juice.

"Harry!" She screamed.

"Hey! Don't look at me like that, I was trying to wake you up!" Harry defended himself.

Blinking in confusion, Ron lifted himself up off the floor with his elbows, one of his hands went straight to the back of the neck, only to return covered in blood. "I-"

"Harry, my boy, could you explain yourself?" Dumbledore asked again. The headmaster gave Ron a small look, but seemed to conclude that the boy would survive.

Harry gave his best friend a concerned look, but turned to the headmaster. "Well, I did what you said."

"Look, Harry, I certainly didn't tell you to sleep with Voldemort." Dumbledore spoke as kindly. He was almost certain that somehow Voldemort had bewitched the boy.

"But, sir, you told me!" Harry argued.

"Wha-"

"You said that only love could beat the Dark Lord," Harry said, "so I made love to him!"

_"WHA-"_

"The first time was at the Ministry, I had imagined it would be more difficult to convince Voldemort to have sex with me, but I just needed to ask!" Harry said satisfied, he seemed really proud of his achievement. "After we were done, he asked for my number, I was a little confused at first, like, I thought that just once would do it. But in the end I gave the number of the Dursleys."

"Merlin-"

"He came to visit me several times, and each time we made love." Harry smiled. "I must also say, headmaster, defeating Voldemort is much more pleasurable than I imagined ..." The green eyes became dreamy while the hero of the Wizarding World remembered fond memories.

"Harry-"

"I don't know how many times I will have to make love to Voldemort, but I promise you, Headmaster, I am close." Harry said, he put his weight on one leg casually. "You see, yesterday we tested something a little different ..."

Harry stopped and chuckled. He turned to his juice-soaked friend. "Hermione, guess how many orgasms the human body can take before passing out!"

At that moment, Albus Dumbledore fell backwards, passing out. There was shouting from various parts of the Great Hall, Minerva McGonagall, in all the confusion, did not think twice before throwing a glass of pumpkin juice at the headmaster.

Later, still covered with the liquid in his white hair and beard, Dumbledore would only remember Harry Potter's cheerful voice in the background.

"I swear to you, Hermione, I had an orgasm and passed out!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so try to ignore some grammatical errors. Help is always welcome.


	2. Voldemort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lord Voldemort and some Death Eaters react to the publication of the Daily Prophet.

Lucius Malfoy walked the halls of his mansion, his gray robes perfectly immaculate to his body. His wife walked a few feet behind him, while reading a letter that his son had sent her the night before. He massaged his temples, his head aching even after drinking a potion to end the pain, all caused by the disturbance to his sleep. He walked until he reached the door to the living room where breakfast was always served.

"Is there a problem, Lucius?" Lucius heard the hissing voice before seeing him, there, sitting at the head of the table, was Lord Voldemort. Quickly, he straightened up, a little concerned by the lip-less smile that Voldemort had. He had discovered long ago that it was never good to see the Dark Lord smiling.

"None, my lord, I just slept a little badly." He responded sincerely, thanking himself for not stuttering, even when it was disconcerting to see the dark wizard so ... _happy._

The Dark Lord's smile only grew with Lucius's response, he seemed incredibly pleased with something, and Lucius knew it was probably about the screams that plagued him at night. For some unknown reason, Voldemort never used silence spells when he tortured his victims. Then, all the screams reverberated through the mansion, and tonight, they had been especially loud. "Sit with us, Lucius." The Dark Lord spoke, commanding.

Lucius swallowed, his hands sweaty as he sat in the chair on Voldemort's right. He knew that many would consider his seat a place of honor, and Lucius was grateful to be there, but on the other hand, he had to stand beside that ... serpentine man. And also having to face Narcissa's sister, and endure to face Bellatrix's ridiculous attempts at seduction for Voldemort.

He helped himself in silence, almost spilling the tea from his cup when he accidentally looked away and saw Voldemort running his forked tongue across his lipsless mouth, as if he was remembering something particularly exciting. A few minutes passed before Lucius saw Bellatrix lean over the table, her arms against her twisting making her chest look bigger. "Your victim's screams yesterday made me sleep better, my lord." She said, her hands making circular movements too close to Voldemort's arm.

Lucius watched in silence while instead of being satisfied with the comment, the Dark Lord lost his smile. He felt a hand on his knee, squeezing tightly, and turned to face his wife, a clear message in his eyes. _Fix it_. Sometimes it was annoying that Narcissa cared about her sister and made him save her from situations in which she put herself.

Raising the teacup to his lips, a movement just to appear uninterested, Lucius commented. "I think what Bellatrix means, my lord, is that her victim cries were good in a way." He knew that he had said the wrong thing the moment he finished speaking.

" _In a way_ , Lucius? Don't you think I can make someone _beg?"_ Voldemort's scary red eyes shone dangerously. Lucius would have a serious conversation with his wife if he managed to get out of this situation alive.

Swallowing hard, he lowered his eyes, hoping that his submission would calm the Dark Lord a little. "No, my lord, you certainly made them beg." And he wasn't lying, the screams of ' _Please, Voldemort ...'_ ‘ _Oh, Merlin, please! '_ They were still clear in his mind.

Voldemort smiled, apparently satisfied with his answer. Lucius blinked in surprise, wouldn't he get a _crucio?_ The Dark Lord's good mood was disturbing him. Taking a deep breath to try to calm himself down, he continued to eat, trying not to notice the way Bellatrix's dark eyes blinked sensuously towards Voldemort.

A movement from the window caught Lucius' attention for an owl coming towards the table. The owl left the newspaper in his lap, and quickly took off again. Lucius picked up the newspaper, not expecting much important news. He made a choked sound when he looked at the headline of the Daily Prophet. _**HARRY POTTER SLEEPING WITH DARK LORD: Causal or Serious?**_ He coughed when he choked on his own saliva, his eyes wide as he looked at the printed photo that covered almost the entire sheet.

 _"Oh, my Merlin!"_ He heard his wife's almost shrill scream beside him. The newspaper was taken out of his hands with a rude Bellatrix movement. Even in his stupor, Lucius took a minute's pleasure in watching her sister-in-law open and close her mouth like a fish.

"How dare they publish lies!" Bellatrix screamed, her scream so loud that Lucius wanted to bang his head against the table.

"What is it, Bellatrix?" Bellatrix's husband asked, his voice hoarse from Azkaban. Looking at Rodolphus' dark, dry hair, Lucius could almost feel _sorry_ for him, he wondered what the man's self-esteem was like when his wife preferred to be in the bed of a bald man with no nose instead of his.

Everyone was silent when Voldemort hissed something, they did not understand _Parseltongue_ , but they were very afraid of the hissing tongue. "Give me that newspaper, Bellatrix!" He hissed angrily and the dark witch hesitantly handed the paper over. When he picked up the newspaper, Lucius watched in silence as Voldemort's red eyes passed over the lines written on the page.

Lucius's hands were sweaty and he tried his best to dry his palms on his pants, his mind totally tormented by the sight of Voldemort's ass. _Merlin, Merlin, Merlin._ Think of something else. Narcissa's beautiful breasts. Breasts. Breasts. _Yes._ He unintentionally looked at the Dark Lord again. _NO!_ His wife's beautiful curves. Narcissa's blond hair. Anything but Voldemort's white and... _big_ ass.

He spied his wife out of the corner of his eye, noticing the sickly green color of her face. Apparently, he wasn't the only one with disturbing thoughts. Voldemort's hissing laughter cut through his thoughts, and he forced himself to look at the serpentine man. He vaguely noticed how Bellatrix squirmed in her chair, _her legs crossed tightly_ and her cheeks red. Lucius needed to get out of this room as soon as possible.

The Dark Lord was laughing, the pupil cut from his red eyes dilated, one of his spider fingers tracing the shape of Harry Potter's legs in the photo, almost with ... _longing_. A horrible thought crossed Lucius' mind, at the same moment he had to put his hand over his mouth when his food tried to regurgitate. He remembered last night's screams, some of the words said making a lot more sense now ...

_'Oh, Merlin, Voldemort! This, yeah, right there! '_

Lucius pulled his chair back, the shrill sound drawing attention to himself.

_'Your tongue ... oh, Tom ... it fits ...'_

His knees hurt when he fell to the floor, his mouth open as he vomited on the polished floor.

A few seconds passed before Lucius raised his head, only to face a face with red eyes that looked at him with a malicious smile. Only at that moment did Lucius notice the position he was in. Kneeling at Voldemort's feet, the Dark Lord's legs spread, Lucius's head dangerously close to the dark wizard's _groin_.

"Maybe you can join us tonight, Lucius, if that's what you want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received some comments from some people asking for a chapter on Voldemort's reaction. Well, there it is. I hope you are not disappointed. 
> 
> That's it, kisses, and happy Valentine's Day... late (for some people, I imagine)


End file.
